graduate school · mental illness · personal

Finding my own path

I told my therapist that I want to find my own path, instead of following someone else there. All the paths I’ve followed in my life so far have had someone ahead of me, that I’m trying to follow, attempting to stay with. (1)

It hasn’t worked out well.

Yes, I’ve ended up in some good places, had some great experiences. But ultimately, when I look back I also see that a lot of my bad experiences, a lot of my dissatisfaction, a lot of my disappointments, came because instead of finding my own path, I just followed along on someone else’s, or let myself be pushed along.

So where next?  My life is wide open, as soon as I finish graduate school. I could end up anywhere. That’s terrifying, but it’s also exhilarating.

My path is not yet carved out of the woods. I can find my own path, or it can find me. But I won’t be following anyone else down a neatly trimmed trail. I’ll go crashing forward and see where I land.
(1) I don’t mean romantic relationships, though there have been a couple of those, and I don’t mean literally following, though that has happened too. I mean trying to hang on to people who are toxic, ideas and beliefs that don’t work, old baggage that doesn’t belong to me anymore (or perhaps never did).

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