In the past month or so, I’ve signed termination paperwork and cleaned out my desk at Oklahoma State University. I’ve turned in a really bad draft of my dissertation. I’ve moved cities. I’ve said goodbye to friends. I’m reconnecting with others. I’ve signed paperwork for my next job. I’ve gotten feedback on my dissertation.
A lot of things.
I am exhausted.
I’m struggling with all the goodbyes and all the change and thinking back on how I’ve dealt with this before.
There’s always eating a bag of Oreos in one sitting while watching sad movies. That’s what worked in my twenties when I got divorced. That, and hours of conversation with my best friend and going to her parents’ place in the Texas panhandle to get away from my life.
Then, once I was tired of eating Oreos, I started running. I ran so much my knees locked up and I had to take days off. But I still got up and started running again.
I guess I had more energy then, because I’ve been trying to run again for the past few years, and it hasn’t quite happened. But I’m trying again. Somehow I need to find that resolve that let me get up and keep running, even when I didn’t want to.
And yeah. That’s not just about running. That’s also a metaphor for life.