poetry

Stone by stone

Workaholic.
School nerd.
Anti-social.
Unfriendly.
Boring.

Descriptors, all, that have been
applied to me.

Closed off.
Cold.
Guarded.
Bitch.

When life is unstable
when you never know what’s next
who might leave
who might come back

When the people that stay
are the ones that hurt you

Isolation is the safer choice.

Closed off, shut down, to keep myself safe.

I got tired,
holding up the walls
and let them fall.

Opened up and reached out
and invited in.

Read my raw emotions each week
and offered them as shoddy tokens
as signs of my trust
and welcomed into my heart
the words of others
as sustenance for my hungry soul.

I dismantled my walls
week by week
poem by poem
IPA by IPA

And just as the last stone
was repurposed to build a home

It turns out I have to leave.

The shaking breaking of my heart is
cracking this solid foundation
and I find myself
in the rubble of my stability
too tired to build another wall.

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