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Swipe Left: Updated

Photo filters that say any of the following:

Vote Trump don’t be a chump.

Voting republican.

Praise Jesus.

Swipe. Left.

 

Providing no bio info, thinking that your nice abs

Will suffice. This

says something about the type of woman you want;

I can assure you that I am not she.

Swipe left.

 

Opening with “no, I won’t send you money.”

When I didn’t ask for any.

Saying “I don’t like tattoos on women”

Assuming all women are lying,

yet expecting me to think all men aren’t.

 Swipe left.

The all too common,

“I’m just looking for a woman to share my life with.”

Just a woman. Not a specific kind of woman; any one will do.

Swipe. Left.

 

Bios that say “just ask me what you want to know.”

Swipe. Left.

I want to know some things before I talk to you.

Like, does that “nice guy” label you’ve placed

Actually apply?

 

Or will you ask me back to your place to ‘talk’,

Only to kiss and fuck instead, and,

on the morning after, slut-shame me for being easy.

You weren’t complaining when you took my clothes off.

But I’m a bitch, because now I don’t want to see you again.

 Swipe left.

Nice guy that you are, you knew it would play out that way, since

Nice guys finish last.

Except that you finished first–and alone–

so maybe you’re not such a nice guy after all?

 

Life’s a bitch, you learn as you go.

And “nice guys” are assholes, I’ve learned as I go along.

Swipe… right… swipe left?

Oh, forget it. I’m just deleting the fucking thing.

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