In the past month or so, I’ve signed termination paperwork and cleaned out my desk at Oklahoma State University. I’ve turned in a really bad draft of my dissertation. I’ve moved cities. I’ve said goodbye to friends. I’m reconnecting with others. I’ve signed paperwork for my next job. I’ve gotten feedback on my dissertation. A…… Continue reading Transitions
I’m moving tomorrow. My emotions are tumbling around so much that I can’t pinpoint anything I feel at all, except for sadness. I’ve been ready to leave this town for almost as long as I’ve lived in it. Maybe leaving would be easier if I had a better idea of what’s coming next. Meanwhile, I’m…… Continue reading moving …. on?
There must be some rule that says all institutions will be constructed of cinderblocks. It lends a consistent, familiarity to the halls of academe that is depressive, yet comforting at the same moment. Cinderblocks painted some shade of off white; blackboards at the front of the room, a clock at the back. Those awful desks with…… Continue reading Office Space
My dissertation advisor, when I told him that I was having difficulty staying focused on my writing, on my work, told me that I just need to put on blinders, to shut everything out. I felt tears starting behind my eyes and willed them back. He isn’t wrong. I do need to shut out everything…… Continue reading put blinders on
Reading words I’ve read before. Familiar, but not recognizable. I have to start over, when I should know more. I should be able to quote theory and drop names. Yet, so much of this happened before the break. Before my mornings began with panic; before my racing heart woke me up and my body tensed for the impact of the next thing–whatever…… Continue reading Unfamiliar Familiar
“Excuse me, ma’am…” His words drift softly to me. I just dropped my backpack in my passenger seat and now a man is approaching me. “I’m not going to hurt you” he says, as if he could sense my urge to be on the driver’s side, so I could put the car door between me and…… Continue reading “Don’t be mad”
My neighbor sat down at the table next to mine at the local coffee shop. We had interacted a couple of times before–once at the Writing Center where I work, once when he moved in and introduced himself as he was sweeping the hallway and burning sage to banish evil spirits. I was sitting outside…… Continue reading the recursive life