[the rules] 7 make decisions from a place of joy not fear. the seventh and final rule to live by. This might be the most difficult. Decisions based on joy when so much life is about fear. Fear of failing Disappointing Hurting Being hurt. I make decisions for fear Of these things Instead, rule seven…… Continue reading 30/30

[the rules] 6 be more loving the sixth rule to live by comes easy to me for others. I love easily and long. Longer than I should longer than others have earned sometimes but to be more loving you don’t keep score or track the balance. You just love. Love flows outward freely and without…… Continue reading 28/30

Inadequate. The life that stayed to compensate for the one lost. Life punctuated with rending of body and soul body that has always been mine but never felt like mine. My own body treated like property possession plaything to be broken and thrown away in capricious moments. It’s not intellect. It’s feelings. Intuition that tells…… Continue reading 27/30

Relationships have become a matter of deciding how much I want to hurt. No, I’m not deciding who to be with based on the long term or envisioning doves and bells. Instead I think how long do I stay? how much do I let myself feel How many pieces of my heart am I willing…… Continue reading 26/30

[the rules] 5 do not worry about other people is the fifth rule to live by but it’s not exactly what it sounds like. It does not mean to be selfish to not care to not love. It means not to worry about others thoughts of you but also not to take accountability for what…… Continue reading 25/30

There’s this game going around right now, where people post a sentence from something they’re reading, followed with “And then the murders began.” One of my mentors was posting it on grad student statuses on Facebook, as we posted about dissertation edits. So naturally, I wanted to try to fit it in a poem. I…… Continue reading 24/30

[the rules] 4 it doesn’t have to turn out the way I planned or wanted to be okay This is the fourth rule to live by. I repeat it over and over after each event does not turn out the way I intended imagined wanted needed. I stopped making plans, for a while. Just floated from…… Continue reading 23/30

[the rules] 3. The first reaction is not self loathing This is the third rule to live by. Do not react to mistreatment by loathing oneself do not assume that every thing that happens is because you deserve it. Do not believe you are unworthy of love. This rule can be read in another way.…… Continue reading 22/30

[the rules] 2 take things other people say at face value this is the second rule to live by and is easy to do when the words leaving lips criticize demean delegitimize and create so much more skepticism when the words come with smiles and sweetness when the words are praising or loving. take loving words…… Continue reading 15/30

When looking at our lives we’re supposed to think back on the choices we’ve made to figure out how to choose better next time. But, choices feel a little mythical when only one appears available at that moment of truth. When there’s only one way to take, is that a choice? Inaction is always an option,…… Continue reading 14/30