Ink and Vein

For the past several months, I’ve been working with a great group of people to offer a free mindfulness retreat for residents of the San Luis Valley. We had our first planning meeting at the end of August, and the retreat happened on Saturday, January 20th.

I’m in the post-retreat, “I-worked-for-a-while-on-a-big-thing-and-now-it’s-over-and-I-feel-a-little- relieved-a-little-tired-a-little-lost-about-what-to-do -next” haze, still, and trying to form some coherent thoughts about the day.

Part of me is ready to start planning the next one. Part of me doesn’t feel like I can ever plan something like this again.

All of me believes that creating space for people to be together, to learn, to heal, to explore, to try new things, is one of the only ways we’ll make it through whatever this life is. Creating space to be together is the only way we’ll get beyond surviving to thriving.

A moment that brought me pause and reflection occurred as we participated in a cacao ceremony. We passed cups around the circle, with cacao in them, and as we gave a cup we said “I give with love” and as we took a cup we said “I receive with love” and we said it with each cup, so about 30 times.

I watched the circle as people tried to rush, to keep up, and as some people were intentional, were slow.

I thought of the ways we say “I love you” and the ways we offer love.

How often are we careless with this expression? How often are we intentional? How often do we hold back, from fear of being careless, or of being received with carelessness?

The man next to me made eye contact each time he said “I give with love” and each time I said “I receive with love” and held his gaze, and smiled. He smiled back.

As I passed the cup to the woman on my left, I held it in both my hands until she completed “I receive with love.” She slowed down as she passed her cup to the next person.

I have no doubt that each person in the room was capable of enormous and genuine love. I also don’t doubt that the ones who rushed the ritual were those who have not felt comfortable or safe expressing that deep love that resides in their hearts.

I honor them, even in their rushed or half-hearted expressions, for making the expression in the best way they could.

I honor all of us, for our attempts at expressing love, however imperfect those expressions may be.